I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My liver just had a heart attack.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
