I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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