He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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