I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
