i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
