my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
