so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
