I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
