No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
