My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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