I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's always time for handjobs
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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