I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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