Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
