So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
