hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Use "feeling words"
Yay
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
