Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
