fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I intend to get homeless drunk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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