so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
