Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
