so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
