I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
