shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
