and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
