someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
