Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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