My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
