i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
