i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
