I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
