I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
