No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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