As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
