How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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