Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
