Porn is love you can see.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
