this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
