just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
