im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
