Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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