it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
