i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
