he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
