It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
