There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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