My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
