im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
