Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
