so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
