I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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