That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
